the picture of durian gray

2009-06-22T07:26:00.004+01:00

one thing about friendships is that when two opposing forces clash, sometimes it's just easier to give up and have it revert to a more genial, harmless sort of friendship.

less depth, sure, but sometimes it's better to start over with another person. no fight, no flurry - just a mutual parting.

2008-09-04T04:03:00.000+01:00

guys, if any of you reading this have the right to vote during the presidential elections, i implore that you guys go blue.

while i was ambivalent towards mccain, palin is a hypocrite i cannot bear to endorse.

2008-09-04T03:57:00.002+01:00

am watching sarah palin's speech now, and i must say that she's not a very good speaker. more than that i hate her and what she stands for: if you look through her speech properly, she stands for the kind of ideas that are not only deplorable, but also dangerous.

"the nominee of the democratic party wants to give rights to terrorists we've been fighting against."

i'm not sure why the presumption of innocence is a very bad idea. the reason why you give such people rights is because you can never be sure if they are guilty or not, and one of the things i like about the democrats is because they believe in not punishing the innocent, even if it allows some of the guilty to go free.

2008-08-31T04:44:00.003+01:00

guys, it just struck me that there are going to be a lot of republicans in heaven.

the thought scares me.

2008-08-25T04:02:00.002+01:00

the number of e-mails i write in a day is directly proportionate to how lonely i really am.

i suffer from the abject disease of dependency.

2008-08-18T20:20:00.004+01:00

talked to someone a couple of nights ago, and he said that if you loved selflessly, you'd be able to feel more contented and more satisfied in a relationship. i agreed at that time, but i don't think so anymore.

i think if you love selflessly a person who loves selfishly, you'll never be able to be happy, knowing that you are bound to a relationship you cannot extricate yourself from. it will be like being in relationship quicksand - you wouldn't be able to let go, and your inability to let go will drag you like an anchor through the mud, your nostrils filling up with liquid sand.

2008-08-17T23:48:00.000+01:00

www.kaleidoscopik.blogspot.com

just so i can separate one facet of my life from the other.

2008-08-09T02:15:00.002+01:00

my first week of internship is over, and i have been having a lot of fun in the city. i got really drunk today, and ended up bunking in the room of a guy i met 6 hours ago - i knew him through a colleague at the firm, really, and things are looking great as of now. with any luck, we'll go clubbing tomorrow night with the rest of them. i think i'll totally suffer from a damn hangover tomorrow.

work-wise, things have been excellent: i have tried out many different things, and i think i'm really suited to law. fingers crossed, i'll be able to get a job at this firm, but i guess one shouldn't hope for so much sometimes.

i've got to meet jenny tomorrow to hand her my passport and health check, and i'll get to go to colombia - go spanish classes and underprivileged children!

anyway, i'm still pretty drunk right now: the cocktails were amazing and... the room is spinning and i feel like the solitary axis of a world which twirls endlessly around me. i see the ceiling and the floor and the walls, although i'm quite aware that i'm hardly moving, or am i?

in any case, i love london: the people here are great, the work here is amazing, and i completely reek of alcohol right now, so good night guys, and it's great to be able to blog again.

2008-07-21T14:57:00.003+01:00

my dad's watching napoleon dynamite alone in his room. that has got to be somewhat painful, the (lack of) jokes going over his head like a wandering frisbee.

got my scripts back; the essays i thought were excellent were not as good as i had hoped, the essays i thought i flunked had words like "good" scribbled over them. hilarious, i think, if you found out that half of the points were made up on the spot out of sheer desperation and the need to cover approximately two more pages with scrawlings.

my dissertation scored as high as it could have - they were very generous with the marks seeing as to how i missed. the. point. of. the. seminar. entirely.

am going down to the city tomorrow, by which i mean kl, chasingchickens. i apologise for not being in london, and i congratulate you heartily upon graduating although i appreciate that the experience is very bittersweet.

2008-07-16T22:40:00.002+01:00

the dark knight is amazing. it was impossible to really flesh the themes out fully: morality isn't something that can be dissected in 2.5 hours.

that aside, it was absolutely amazing. the joker scares the shit out of me now.

2008-07-13T21:00:00.001+01:00

my blog is totally schizo.

2008-07-06T19:18:00.000+01:00

stop. i. to. need.

2008-07-06T17:55:00.003+01:00

but, but, i have nothing in common with half of you anymore. like when you sit around and chat about the jobs you have and the people you know and the things they say and your lives which have just started - i am an outsider who looks in through the shutters of ambivalence and nonchalance. it's been ten years, maybe longer, since i've known any of you, and we never really fit in anyway so i guess my point is that you should not pretend otherwise.

we have never been buddies and we have never been friends and you have never really spoken to me much like an equal (oh except when you ask me to finish your homework for you then suddenly you're demure and polite and kind) and i guess it is time to verbalise buried sentiments:

surprisingly, it's not 'i hate you.'

it's 'oh, and how are things with you?'

2008-07-05T22:22:00.003+01:00

i live my life in shades of gray. that is so strange. it is as if the very fibres of my being were malleable and changeable and pliable much like plasticine - soft, doughy, inedible - in the hands of an inquisitive but bored child who shapes and reshapes the material into a hundred different objects the colour of his mood.

i am done writing for today. it is virulent and addictive and simply gobbles up too much of my time. i shall read instead tonight.

2008-06-28T22:07:00.001+01:00

do we never realise we are happy until it has been wrestled away from us?

2008-06-28T21:31:00.001+01:00

oh my god; it's me.

i'm the traitor and the rogue and the rebel and the black sheep and the runaway and the prodigal child and the leaver and the fugitive.

2008-06-21T11:49:00.002+01:00

class I

fuck.

2008-06-13T04:46:00.003+01:00

to simply answer a question, i stopped blogging because i woke up one morning realising that i wasn't doing it for myself, which in turn made writing - my original joy and my original sin - a chore.

2008-06-04T02:48:00.000+01:00

maybe it's time to start anew.